


Warmth

by indecisivejoy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Dan Howell, 2009 Era (Phandom), 2009 Phil Lester, Feelings, First Meetings, Fluff, Hugs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:22:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24107443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indecisivejoy/pseuds/indecisivejoy
Summary: I had everlasting warmth and safety and happiness and that other unnamed feeling and I felt like that was a good foundation to go against those bad things.----aka Dan and Phil meet for the first time and Dan has a lot of feelings about it.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	Warmth

_19th October, 2009_

I took in a deep breath before finally standing up and exiting the train. My suddenly weak knees just so being able to carry me through the doors onto the platform.

My heart felt like it was about to rip out of my chest, beating approximately one thousand times per second.

I started to let my gaze wander around the place, attempting to spot Phil, while simultaneously trying not to stand in the way too much.

After I had turned around for a while, still unable to find him, I started to nervously fidget with the hem of my shirt.

I quickly took a look at my phone to check the time.

12:45

My train should have arrived at 12:40.

_Didn't he promise to be here on the spot?_

Blinking and shaking my head a few times I tried to conceal my expression, as to not seem like a distressed toddler who had just lost their parents.

_C'mon Dan, you're eighteen not eight. He's probably just a little late or also can't find you._

The crowd here _was_ pretty dense after all.

_But what if he's not here?_

_What if he never shows up?_

_What if after all the time you spent texting and skyping and talking for hours over the phone it_ was _actually just a joke?_

_What if he_ did _just reply to you on Twitter out of pity, no matter how many times he had assured you that that wasn't the case?_

_And what if he decided just not to leave his house to pick you up this morning because he finally came to the conclusion that a pathetic little kid like you is not worth his time?_

Shaking my head I tried to force these anxious thoughts out.

He wouldn't do that. He was the nicest person I had ever met - well not yet actually met - and I liked to entertain the thought that I actually knew him well enough to be sure that he wouldn't do that.

And I _had_ texted him not even half an hour ago.

After a few seconds filled with more what ifs forming in my mind, I decided to pull out my phone to perhaps send him another text, asking where he was.

But just as I was about to do that, there was a startling tap on my shoulder an an all too familiar voice ringing in my ears, almost making me jump.

_"Dan!"_

Without missing a beat I turned around, just to be met face-to-face with probably about the most beautiful person I ever had the pleasure of seeing.

My heart almost stopped though, when I actually let myself look into his eyes.

_Scratch that, definitely, without a single doubt the most beautiful person I had ever seen._

His eyes were blue, mixed with green and little specks of yellow and it was at that moment that I realised that MySpace, YouTube, Skype - all the platforms where he had shown his pretty face - didn't even come close to doing him any justice.

My eyes then proceeded to focus on his thin, light pink lips, which seemed to be moving for a moment before curling up into a smile.

I noticed then that he had actually spoken up and was now looking at me with a sort of expectant gaze and I finally forced myself to snap out of my trance.

"H-huh? I'm sorry, what did you say?"

I immediately felt heat rising to my cheeks, making me feel even more embarrassed. 

Phil just let out a warm, almost fond sounding like chuckle - god, his _laugh_ \- before speaking up again.

"Nothing", he said, still smiling, "I just mentioned how glad I am that you're finally here".

My eyes widened and I let out an unbelieving sound.

"Glad? God, Phil, glad doesn't even begin to describe the feeling I'm having about me being here - you being here. I'm just... I'm-"

Another realisation struck me.

_"Happy"_ , I breathed out, "You have absolutely no idea how happy I am right now".

I couldn't bear looking into his stunning face anymore, so I stared down at my feet instead, trying to somehow process everything.

_Happy._

There was no other, no smaller, word to describe my feelings in that moment.

_Happiness._

A feeling I had thought to have long since forgotten how to experience, was now filling up my whole chest and body with tingly warmth - along with something else, which I wasn't quite ready to put a label on yet.

I couldn't stop the genuine smile forming on my face and I finally started looking up again.

The astounding pair of blue eyes were widened and Phil's lips were ever so slightly parted.

_"Oh"_ , he breathed out in something akin to wonder and astonishment.

Before I knew it there were long, slender arms pulling me in and surrounding me.

By the surprise of the sudden movement the bag I had been holding with my right hand slipped out of my grip and fell to the gravely ground with a soft thud.

It took a while for me to get used to the overwhelming sensation of being touched by him while I was just standing there, my arms hanging uselessly to the side, before I finally decided to give in and return the hug.

I tentatively wrapped my arms around his lean shoulders, which encouraged him to press me even closer to his warm body.

I put my head slightly under his neck and closed my eyes, also tuning out all sound from around us, letting my other senses take over.

Then I finally let out a breath I didn't realise I had been holding. It left me with a slight shudder and I could feel Phil breathing out deeply as well as his heart beating fast. Almost as fast as mine. 

_Was I really doing that to him?_

As I breathed in again I could smell his scent and it smelled exactly like I had imagined he should smell.

Like some sort of deodorant he had used, cereal and just Phil and somehow warmth.

All I felt in that moment was _warmth._

A type of warmth I had never experienced in my life and I felt as if I were to ever let go I would immediately die from hypothermia.

A type of warmth that proceeded to spread through my entire body, almost making me want to squirm away from it. But at the same time I never wanted to get away from this.

Another thing I felt was...

_Safety._

Here, with his body and scend and heartbeat and overwhelming warmth, all securely surrounding me, I actually felt safe.

For the first time in all of the eighteen years that had been my life until this point I actually, finally felt completely safe with a person.

There was no hint of fear of mocking, discrimination or rejection in that moment.

I just breathed in and out a few times because for the first time in my life I felt like I could just breathe freely. Without the way I was breathing or the air that I released with every breath being judged.

"I'm also happy, Dan", a voice suddenly spoke into my ear, startling me with how thick and loud it suddenly appeared, "So, _so_ happy".

His voice sounded kind of broken and a tiny bit choked up and I couldn't fathom how it was me who had such an effect on a person that wonderful.

I couldn't even begin to fathom how any of these feelings I was harboring could be reciprocated.

Before I could help it my shoulders were shaking and suddenly there was a new found wetness on my cheeks, drops of tears all of the sudden flowing across my face and dripping onto his shoulder.

Tears. Actual _tears_ of actual _happiness and joy_ flowing from my own two eyes.

I couldn't keep the gut-wrenching sob from escaping my chapped lips either, which apparently alarmed Phil, who gripped my shoulders and pulled a tiny step away from me.

A concerned expression clouded his face. A silent question of

_"Are you okay?"_

And

_"Did I do something wrong?"_

I just shook my head and wiped my eyes with my knuckles, letting out a soft, wet laugh.

"N-no, it's just...", I sniffed once, "I can't believe you're here, you're real and hugging and talking to me and most importantly, I can't fucking believe how ultimately happy I am right now".

His frown quickly turned into a smile again at that and in the next second I was being pulled back into the warmth I had been missing for the past few seconds.

"Me neither, Dan. Me neither".

And the words were spoken so incredibly soft, yet felt so heavy that I instantly started crying again, unable to keep yet another ugly sob from forcing its way out of my throat.

Then suddenly there were warm lips on my forehead, followed by a kiss, effectively silencing all of my thoughts and sounds that were about to come out with its pleasantly burning warmth.

And I was still aware of all the cruelties in the world, the bad thoughts and memories in the back of my head but in that moment,

when Phil grabbed my bag in one hand and my left hand in the other,

I had everlasting warmth and safety and happiness, not to forget that other unnamed feeling, and I felt like that was a good foundation to go against those things.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaah I actually wrote this. And actually published it ahhhhh (I really hope it's not too bad). Okay, uh thanks for reading! If I've missed any tags or something like that, please tell me! This is my first work in this fandom so things like that are greatly appreciated.  
> Also shout-out to my sister for encouraging me to post this.


End file.
